The Missing Menu – a new flash fiction

The Missing Menu – a new flash fiction available in either podcast format or in text format! This flash fiction covers the thoughts and musings of some…thing as it’s sitting down to a meal.

Posting this was my challenge – and finally, with the help of some Ultra Sour sativa and playing “Eye of the Tiger” on a loop, I got it online. Although the tenth repeat the bird got pissed and started squawking in protest.

Why the delay in posting new creative? Well…I’m working on other stuff offline, and my laptop was going senile. So June was a write off as I tried to work around it. Fortunately a friend who works at Best Buy suggested I switch my hard drive out for a solid-state drive. And whoa, boy! Behaves about the same, but faster on startup. Unfortunately, while they were able to preserve a lot of my files, my desktop and any apps I need to download (Firefox, Audacity, GIMP) had to be updated.

Which also caused some issues. Yet, I persevered! True, I had to sigh and quote Dorothy Parker “What fresh Hell is this?” but…I’m also going to look at the Library of Stories page and think about how I could better organize it…maybe a table of contents? We’ll see.

Nose Hill July 2020

Just some pictures from today’s 8km hike. Nice day. Not too hot, trails weren’t too busy.

In the meantime…

Ooooooooooooooohkay. So part of this delay for June…I tried going off my ADHD meds for about a week.

A time which will be known as SQUIRREL WEEK. Because I got really fuck all done. I mean, I was still doing stuff, but nothing focused and big. Then Audacity (the software I use for creating and editing my podcasts) decided it’s going senile. I’m not sure if it’s the software or worse yet (le sigh) if it’s a sign I need to do a re-install/refresh on my computer operating system.

Alternately, I could just start dumping a whole bunch of my saved ideas/ pictures/ jokes on my website (and social media) in the meantime. I’ve got a tonne of stuff, and considering the instability of social media at the moment. Advertisers and users are fleeing Facebook/ Twitter because these two (among other services) are enabling racists and morons to spread their cancerous messages. I’ll still use them as promotional channels, but this is my semi-annual reminder to me to use my website more.

Anyhow. Gonna figure out projects to work on, continue planning my week, etc. In the meantime, as Pride month closes out, and with BLM and protests still being relevant…here’s a very very gay version of that old Shirley Bassey favorite, Diamonds are Forever sung by Black and Gay British musician David McAlmont, arranged by British film composer David Arnold (whom I can’t confirm is gay, but he’s clearly hung around gay men at some point in his life from his acting in the video).

And as I’m about to post it, an idea comes to me….And I think I speak for all when I say WHEN THE FUCK ARE WE GOING TO GET OUR [someone who is not a white straight male] SPY MOVIE?

The Washroom Preacher – a weird encounter

Hello. I’m aiming for multiple updates this week, but first off, The Washroom Preacher – a true life encounter with a weird situation – is available either on the Podcasts page or as a text version. As well, here’s the link to the song mentioned if you need to listen to it afterwards.
This podcast is available on Podbean, iTunes or Google Play podcasts.

Random Thoughts on…

Random Thoughts on COVID-19 & Summer Activities – is now available via podcast or in text format.

You can also access it on Podbean, or through iTunes or Google Play podcasts. This was my thoughts on an NPR article about 14 Summer activities and the risk involved in the era of COVID-19.  

If you like my creations, come back to evankayne.com or my Podbean page on a regular basis, and support me on my Ko-fi account.

Dust – Science Fiction

Dust is an amazing channel on YouTube – and this video almost feels like what the Matrix would feel like if it were filmed in 2020. Social media and desperation to be liked when it’s all revealed to be fake. And it’s starring Gigi Edgley (Chiana from “Farscape”).

Karenpocalypse – new fiction

Karenpocalypse, or Dicks Demise is now online! So today I decided to list off the ways you can access this new original story about why you should be nice to essential workers like retail staff all the time:
– Evankayne.com – either Library of Stories for the text, or Podcasts for the podcast
– Podbean – here’s the link to this story specifically, and the link to my main Podbean site with other stories.
Also, pay what you can to support me by visiting my Ko-fi account – it’s that green “buy me a coffee” button located on the side (desktop) or the bottom of the page (or you can click this link).

As for the whole “Karen” meme, first off I’m including “Dicks” whenever I discuss Karen behavior. Why? Well, “Dick” behavior was there first. By behavior, I mean the self-centered “it’s all about me and you making me happy” behavior some people exhibit towards people working in the service industry or arts (so, retail staff, doctors, nurses, artists, actors, restaurant staff, etc.).

The “Karens” and the “Dicks” of this world want what they want now. If they’re caught in a mistake, they never admit they were wrong. They’re always the victim of bad service. And they ALWAYS have bad service. When I worked at Shell, I arranged a celebratory dinner for 100+ people in our lunchroom. It was transformed into a dining hall with white tablecloths, silverware and china. The food was amazing from start to finish. And yet, a “Karen” whined that her dessert was a little dry, therefore her entire meal was ruined. She was quickly put in her place by some other coworkers and myself, but you got the impression that she didn’t change her opinion, she just learned in this situation and with these people, she should keep her thoughts to herself.

Look, sometimes you have to make a complaint. But treat the person to whom you unload like a friend or family member you respect. Ask for other solutions. Yes, if you’re not satisfied with the answer at one level, do not immediately “ask for a manager”. Try “you’ve been helpful, but can I see if the manager has any other solutions? That way you can get back to helping other people.”

If the answer is “No” accept that. You could try calling corporate or the owner, but try weighing the cost of your time versus how much this purchase or service cost you. Because I feel, and I’ve seen that essential workers have zero patience for dick behaviors and karen entitlements. When you ask “may I speak to a manager” you may get the answer of “No”. When you snipe “Well, I’ll never shop here again” you may get “Good, because you’re banned from this store.”

We’re all under a lot of stress. Be nice. Now and in the future.

Sorcerer’s Balance Sheet – new fantasy flash fiction

Today’s flash fiction has a fantasy flavour – The Sorcerer’s Balance Sheet – is available in podcast and in text format.

Story size differences were explained to me as such: a novel is a house with a yard, furniture and occupants; a short story is the description of the activity and items in one of the rooms; and a flash fiction is walking past that room and glancing in as you go past. Today, we’re looking into a magical professor’s office.

New Flash fiction story & podcast!

A new flash fiction – Resetting, Again – is now available in the Library of Stories, and in audio format on my Podcast page.

In popular science fiction, any time they have problems with the technology which allows the crew to travel vast interstellar distances in the blink of an eye, it’s usually fixed by the end of the episode. Yet, I’ve a feeling when things go wrong in space, they’ll go wrong in ways we can’t fathom. If you like my creations, come back to EvanKayne.com or my Podbean page on a regular basis, and support me on my Ko-fi account.

This week’s podcast – Left Foot, Right Foot

Alrighty – a new podcast in our lovely Podcasts section: Left Foot, Right Foot. I read off a story I’ve previously posted in the Library of Stories which gives a look at the solution to crash landing on an alien world if you’ve got powered armour. Hint – it involves a lot of walking, and madness.

I was going to post another story I wrote over the weekend inspired by grocery shopping in the time of the plague, but I realized that it needs a few weeks to ripen. True, all my stories are “works in progress” but sometimes I need to put something new out of my mind for a few weeks while my brain gets some needed distance.

As ever, if you like what you see, follow me here, on social media (today linking to my Twitter) or on Podbean…but I’d really appreciate it if you tipped me by pressing on the Green “Buy me a coffee” button to go to my Ko-fi account and donate what you can.

Tomorrow, between taking the next chapter on my Gale SEO course, I will also (spoiler) post Day 3 and 4 of the Alone Plague Journal.