So, I’m Still Here…

[looks at the last time I updated my website…coughs nervously]

I think in the future, people will look at the years of the pandemic as a really rough decade. It was a difficult time, but to quote Michael Caine, I “used the difficulty”.

Background: Actor Michael Caine was rehearsing a play early in his career. He was to enter a room where 2 people were arguing. But the two had gotten so into the characters one had thrown a chair and partially blocked the entrance. When he stopped rehearsal by mentioned to the director the chair was blocking him, he was told “Use the difficulty”

Michael: Well, what do you mean?
Director: If it’s a comedy, fall over it; if it’s a drama, pick it UP and SMASH it! Use the difficulty!

As a philosophy it’s not new. “If Life gives you Lemons, make Lemonade” or “In the midst of every crisis lies great opportunity.” Yet for how simple it is, it’s hard to put into practice. As we’ve also seen in history there are those who would loot a burning city, would seize power, would use a crisis for malevolent gain.

Yet I can see that for all that there are more people who are using the difficulty to make this world a better place. It’s hard because it depends on the person; they need to learn from their life experience, knowledge, and wisdom in combination with some situational awareness of available tools and resources, knowing when to fight, accept or adapt around change. 

Not everyone can do this, not everyone is strong enough to do it, and it’s not often you can do it all the time. In 10.000 years none of what we do will matter – be it you or me or Joe Biden or Taylor Swift or the Pope or Mick Jagger or Greta Thunberg or “someone’s 16 year old beer drunk brother brother with a whispy goatee and his whole life like a thundercloud right in front of him” (to crib from Hunter S. Thompson).

So, since 2022 I’d said goodbye to Co-op Cannabis, I’d taken the Sage Techworks course, passed it and the ISTQB exam to be a Certified Tester, Foundation Level (April-July 2022). I’d interviewed for and was placed in a paying internship with a Large Financial Organization. I was prepping myself, taking training, rearranging my life to go back to a Monday to Friday 9-5 type life. In that time, I’ve learned so much on the job, I’ve moved to a new apartment, and I am getting better at understanding and using the flow in life to succeed…or at least try to make my small corner of the world better.

I accept that the one constant in life is change. I’ve moved. Moved into a new career. The family home was finally sold. I’m now of the generation with no older parents, uncles or aunts. And I am afraid of death and nostalgic for the passage of time.

Yet…as I type this I’m listening to my favorite musician, the sun is streaming in from the window, and rainbows (from my window glass prism) dance across the wall. Diva is quietly napping, although just now she let out a tiny RAAWWRR to let me know she was there. There are times when you could suspend time and be in the moment. Unchanging and unchanged, your mind is freed from the chains of time. That would be like trying to catch a handful of rain in an outstretched hand. But would that not in a way be heaven – to exist in a moment of contentment?

Throwback / Throw a light to the future Thursday

In March 2021 my sister Kathie had been told “yes, the cancer is back, and your time is up.” So, prior to the Easter weekend, I took a few days off work to travel to Edmonton. I visited Kathie, her family, and my other two siblings: Gail and Ken (and Ken’s wife & one of their sons). It was…great. We all talked, socialized, made each other laugh, and generally had a lovely time despite knowing this would probably be the last time we were all together.

Then on April 7th, I started my COVID19 journey, resulting in me spending almost 2 weeks at the Rockyview General Hospital, including 18 hours on my birthday spent in the ICU. Yes, I was scared, lonely, worried about my immediate future. I got through this with the great help of the staff, my friends and family who reached out to me, reminding myself I was probably in one of the safest locations in the world, and whatever drugs they pumped into me (one of which had a side effect of euphoria, so that was nice).

At the end of the month, I recovered enough to go home. I spent the next month and a bit recovering. I cleaned up and threw out a lot of things and people that seemed unimportant after facing such a personal struggle. I returned to work at Calgary Co-op in their Cannabis stores mid-June and was promoted to supervisor in July. All through this, I talked with Kathie as her health worsened. She died in August.

And my heart broke once again. But through it, I learned sometimes a thing that breaks cannot be glued together. Sometimes it breaks because like a snake shedding its skin, it’s outgrown what was there before.

In the last few months, I said goodbye to a friend who was an anti-vaxxer. I transitioned to a new store with all the stress involved there. My mom passed away 2 weeks ago at the age of 92.

There’s been some good things (more on that in a moment), yes this birthday might be hard, but I’ll be fine. Yes, if you want to call me up this weekend, take me for coffee, surprise me with even a balloon, I won’t say no. Because I have hope.

To quote the late Harvey Milk, “I know that you cannot live on hope alone, but without it, life is not worth living. And you, and you, and you…have got to give them hope.”

I realized, and am still realizing, that the “you” in there includes giving hope to yourself. Yes, it’s a shit world where shit happens. But it’s also a wonderful world where amazing things and people live. Not everyone will understand and support you, and that’s to be expected.

I’ve been told that I’m resilient, and that I seem hopeful. I will snark back that “I’m tired of being resilient”. But…that’s not to say I can’t give hope to myself, to others, and try to live an honest life in an imperfect world where sometimes our decisions are a guess.

So, I hope this year I enter into a POSITIVE mirror of last year. After the 23rd of April, I will be on a leave of absence from Co-op Cannabis thanks to the help of the Union of Calgary Coop Employees. Yes, unions are a good thing because unlike Human Resources, unions look out for employees.

Over the next two months, thanks to Community Futures Treaty 7, Sagetechwork, and Aboriginal Futures, I will be training in a course which hopefully will get me a career in Calgary’s growing tech industry. As well, not only will I be learning the course, I will be a peer coach to 3-5 other students on anything they ask. While I also learn from them their experiences, stories, and challenges as First Nations people.

I don’t know what’s going to happen, but for once in a long time… I have hope. I hope you have hope too. Remember, happiness is amazing. It’s so amazing sometimes it doesn’t matter if it’s yours or that of another person.

New Flash Fiction! I’m on TikTok! I’m still here!

New flash fiction either in Podcast or print format. This new and original story, while a work of fiction, is based off a fever dream I had when I was in the hospital. Coming damn close to death in April made me think about a lot of things and people in my life. In the aboriginal community, dealing with resiliency, there is the idea we have to be like the American Buffalo or Bison. The Bison faces into the storm, walks through and toward it. By doing so, it gets out of the storm faster.

And sometimes it sucks where part of that storm is seeing a sibling with a terminal illness knowing that by this time next year, she won’t be around. It sucks knowing everything changes, yet nothing is truly lost. And senior citizens plant trees the shade of which they know they will never sit in.

So, what trees shall I plant? That’s why I write even sometimes when there is a storm in my soul.

Also… I’m also on TikTok now, I’ve cut short my hair, I’m still getting used to the supervisor position at work (more hours, slightly better pay, but still protected by the union), and I’m trying to remember that the future is an adventure as the seasons change. With that, Vivaldi’s Four Seasons recomposed by Max Richter

Cannabis 102 Potcast: Medical vs. Recreational

A new “potcast” on medical vs. recreational cannabis is now available here (or on the Podcast) page. I’ve been distracted by other things in life, and like everyone else living through a pandemic, I’m NOT fine, but I am here and pushing to continue walking forward. If you want to support me, besides following me on social media, you can tip me on my Ko-fi page. Thanks, remember to dance once a day, and keep moving forward.

The Missing Menu – a new flash fiction

The Missing Menu – a new flash fiction available in either podcast format or in text format! This flash fiction covers the thoughts and musings of some…thing as it’s sitting down to a meal.

Posting this was my challenge – and finally, with the help of some Ultra Sour sativa and playing “Eye of the Tiger” on a loop, I got it online. Although the tenth repeat the bird got pissed and started squawking in protest.

Why the delay in posting new creative? Well…I’m working on other stuff offline, and my laptop was going senile. So June was a write off as I tried to work around it. Fortunately a friend who works at Best Buy suggested I switch my hard drive out for a solid-state drive. And whoa, boy! Behaves about the same, but faster on startup. Unfortunately, while they were able to preserve a lot of my files, my desktop and any apps I need to download (Firefox, Audacity, GIMP) had to be updated.

Which also caused some issues. Yet, I persevered! True, I had to sigh and quote Dorothy Parker “What fresh Hell is this?” but…I’m also going to look at the Library of Stories page and think about how I could better organize it…maybe a table of contents? We’ll see.

The Washroom Preacher – a weird encounter

Hello. I’m aiming for multiple updates this week, but first off, The Washroom Preacher – a true life encounter with a weird situation – is available either on the Podcasts page or as a text version. As well, here’s the link to the song mentioned if you need to listen to it afterwards.
This podcast is available on Podbean, iTunes or Google Play podcasts.

Random Thoughts on…

Random Thoughts on COVID-19 & Summer Activities – is now available via podcast or in text format.

You can also access it on Podbean, or through iTunes or Google Play podcasts. This was my thoughts on an NPR article about 14 Summer activities and the risk involved in the era of COVID-19.  

If you like my creations, come back to evankayne.com or my Podbean page on a regular basis, and support me on my Ko-fi account.

Karenpocalypse – new fiction

Karenpocalypse, or Dicks Demise is now online! So today I decided to list off the ways you can access this new original story about why you should be nice to essential workers like retail staff all the time:
– Evankayne.com – either Library of Stories for the text, or Podcasts for the podcast
– Podbean – here’s the link to this story specifically, and the link to my main Podbean site with other stories.
Also, pay what you can to support me by visiting my Ko-fi account – it’s that green “buy me a coffee” button located on the side (desktop) or the bottom of the page (or you can click this link).

As for the whole “Karen” meme, first off I’m including “Dicks” whenever I discuss Karen behavior. Why? Well, “Dick” behavior was there first. By behavior, I mean the self-centered “it’s all about me and you making me happy” behavior some people exhibit towards people working in the service industry or arts (so, retail staff, doctors, nurses, artists, actors, restaurant staff, etc.).

The “Karens” and the “Dicks” of this world want what they want now. If they’re caught in a mistake, they never admit they were wrong. They’re always the victim of bad service. And they ALWAYS have bad service. When I worked at Shell, I arranged a celebratory dinner for 100+ people in our lunchroom. It was transformed into a dining hall with white tablecloths, silverware and china. The food was amazing from start to finish. And yet, a “Karen” whined that her dessert was a little dry, therefore her entire meal was ruined. She was quickly put in her place by some other coworkers and myself, but you got the impression that she didn’t change her opinion, she just learned in this situation and with these people, she should keep her thoughts to herself.

Look, sometimes you have to make a complaint. But treat the person to whom you unload like a friend or family member you respect. Ask for other solutions. Yes, if you’re not satisfied with the answer at one level, do not immediately “ask for a manager”. Try “you’ve been helpful, but can I see if the manager has any other solutions? That way you can get back to helping other people.”

If the answer is “No” accept that. You could try calling corporate or the owner, but try weighing the cost of your time versus how much this purchase or service cost you. Because I feel, and I’ve seen that essential workers have zero patience for dick behaviors and karen entitlements. When you ask “may I speak to a manager” you may get the answer of “No”. When you snipe “Well, I’ll never shop here again” you may get “Good, because you’re banned from this store.”

We’re all under a lot of stress. Be nice. Now and in the future.

Sorcerer’s Balance Sheet – new fantasy flash fiction

Today’s flash fiction has a fantasy flavour – The Sorcerer’s Balance Sheet – is available in podcast and in text format.

Story size differences were explained to me as such: a novel is a house with a yard, furniture and occupants; a short story is the description of the activity and items in one of the rooms; and a flash fiction is walking past that room and glancing in as you go past. Today, we’re looking into a magical professor’s office.

New Flash fiction story & podcast!

A new flash fiction – Resetting, Again – is now available in the Library of Stories, and in audio format on my Podcast page.

In popular science fiction, any time they have problems with the technology which allows the crew to travel vast interstellar distances in the blink of an eye, it’s usually fixed by the end of the episode. Yet, I’ve a feeling when things go wrong in space, they’ll go wrong in ways we can’t fathom. If you like my creations, come back to EvanKayne.com or my Podbean page on a regular basis, and support me on my Ko-fi account.